Am I responsible for what I do while manic and what can I do about it?

responsibilityI do everything I can to not get manic, but sometimes it creeps in.  Those who love me know that and I am lucky as that is better than most people have.

Yes- I am responsible for the things I do while manic, but people who know me and that I have this illness understand that it was “not me” doing those things. They know if I was not manic, I would not have done them.

When I do things while manic, I am not thinking of the consequences.  I just am doing them.  When my world is rocked and I come back to myself again, I am almost always depressed.  Part of what causes me to be depressed is feeling badly and embarrassed about the things I did while manic.

I hate myself for my irrational behavior and that pulls me deeper into depression.

The trick for me is to not get manic as I regret almost everything I do while manic.  Unfortunately, it sometimes creeps in no matter what I do.

I said yes I am responsible for the things I did while manic, but at the same time, I have to ease up on myself and know that I was sick when I did them and not be so hard on myself.  Making amends to people I have hurt is one thing I try to do.  The money I have spent on things I don’t need, I return as much of it as I can.  I somehow can hide  my mania from a lot of people so they don’t know.  I try and act as normal as I can when I am manic.  I held down jobs this way.   No one knew I had bipolar disorder unless I told them and when I did, they were shocked.

The best things I can do is to prevent myself from getting manic by getting enough sleep, eating right, confiding with people I trust when I think I am spiraling out of control, seeing my doctor, watching my stress level, exercising on a regular basis and taking my medicine.  When I am depressed which is most of the time, it is hard to motivate myself to do these things, however.

So- I am responsible for what I do when I am manic. However, I am not usually to blame for getting manic as I have already stated that I do everything I can to prevent it.  I have stated that I am responsible for everything I do, but at the same time, I am not sure I should be held accountable too much to those who love and care about me as they know about my struggles.  Yes- I still make amends with them and I am sure they probably get sick of it, like I do, but I am  lucky that they love me unconditionally and forgive me.  I know that they struggle right along with me.

I realize I was a little wishy-washy there, but that is because as easy it is to say I am accountable, if I take that on with a full heart, I would  never come out of depression.

One piece of advice, is yes take responsibility, but don’t dwell on the past and right as many wrongs as soon as possible.










About Michelle Clark Bipolar Bandit

I am a strong advocate for the mentally ill and have been since I was first approached by a lawyer in a psychiatric facility as a teenager. He wanted me to help him fight how the mentally ill are mistreated. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder at the age of 17 after a full blown manic episode. Before that, I suffered from debilitating depression for 4 years. My goals are to help others by sharing my story and providing tips to deal with mania and depression. I often write blogs related to advocating for people like myself. I want to encourage, inspire, and educate those with #bipolar disorder and other mental illnesses and also include inspirational #quotes. I founded the group Advocates for People with Mental Illnesses and the page Mental Health Advocates United and have several social media sites that are related to bipolar disorder and/or advocacy. If you are an advocate or would like to be, I hope you join our FB group: Advocates for People with Mental Illnesses
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