Am I responsible for what I do while manic and what can I do about it?

responsibilityI do everything I can to not get manic, but sometimes it creeps in.  Those who love me know that and I am lucky as that is better than most people have.

Yes- I am responsible for the things I do while manic, but people who know me and that I have this illness understand that it was “not me” doing those things. They know if I was not manic, I would not have done them.

When I do things while manic, I am not thinking of the consequences.  I just am doing them.  When my world is rocked and I come back to myself again, I am almost always depressed.  Part of what causes me to be depressed is feeling badly and embarrassed about the things I did while manic.

I hate myself for my irrational behavior and that pulls me deeper into depression.

The trick for me is to not get manic as I regret almost everything I do while manic.  Unfortunately, it sometimes creeps in no matter what I do.

I said yes I am responsible for the things I did while manic, but at the same time, I have to ease up on myself and know that I was sick when I did them and not be so hard on myself.  Making amends to people I have hurt is one thing I try to do.  The money I have spent on things I don’t need, I return as much of it as I can.  I somehow can hide  my mania from a lot of people so they don’t know.  I try and act as normal as I can when I am manic.  I held down jobs this way.   No one knew I had bipolar disorder unless I told them and when I did, they were shocked.

The best things I can do is to prevent myself from getting manic by getting enough sleep, eating right, confiding with people I trust when I think I am spiraling out of control, seeing my doctor, watching my stress level, exercising on a regular basis and taking my medicine.  When I am depressed which is most of the time, it is hard to motivate myself to do these things, however.

So- I am responsible for what I do when I am manic. However, I am not usually to blame for getting manic as I have already stated that I do everything I can to prevent it.  I have stated that I am responsible for everything I do, but at the same time, I am not sure I should be held accountable too much to those who love and care about me as they know about my struggles.  Yes- I still make amends with them and I am sure they probably get sick of it, like I do, but I am  lucky that they love me unconditionally and forgive me.  I know that they struggle right along with me.

I realize I was a little wishy-washy there, but that is because as easy it is to say I am accountable, if I take that on with a full heart, I would  never come out of depression.

One piece of advice, is yes take responsibility, but don’t dwell on the past and right as many wrongs as soon as possible.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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About Michelle Clark Bipolar Bandit

I am a strong advocate for the mentally ill and have been since I was first approached by a lawyer in a psychiatric facility as a teenager. He wanted me to help him fight how the mentally ill are mistreated. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder at the age of 17 after a full blown manic episode. Before that, I suffered from debilitating depression for 4 years. My goals are to help others by sharing my story and providing tips to deal with mania and depression. I often write blogs related to advocating for people like myself. I want to encourage, inspire, and educate those with #bipolar disorder and other mental illnesses and also include inspirational #quotes. I founded the group Advocates for People with Mental Illnesses and the page Mental Health Advocates United and have several social media sites that are related to bipolar disorder and/or advocacy. If you are an advocate or would like to be, I hope you join our FB group: Advocates for People with Mental Illnesses
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