Usually, I am quite positive, but today I am being frank. Having bipolar disorder sucks and there is no other way to say it.
The depressions are so debilitating that I don’t leave the house, don’t take showers for days, don’t even enjoy watching television among other things I normally enjoy.
I isolate myself and only answer the phone to three people.
I have lost track, if I ever knew, what “normal” is.
The depressions, as sad as it sounds, I can handle because at least then I am not doing things I will later regret when I have been manic.
The mania is the worst part of the disease in my opinion. The racing thoughts, the not being able to sit still, the having energy to do things, but not wanting to do too much because you often regret the things later.
I guess I am having a pity party. I am currently manic and none of the meds the doctors have prescribed have helped me at all lately. My sleep pattern is all off and I am driving my husband crazy. When I am manic, I can be demanding and understandably that gets on his nerves. Don’t get me wrong, he is awesome and is new to dealing with bipolar disorder, but does a great job. He just worries about me. As time progresses though, he knows the right things to say and do to calm me down and have a reality check.
It has been said that I can work my way into a manic episode and I think sometimes the worry might contribute to it.
I know the right things to do when I am depressed, but don’t do them. While manic, I try and do the right things, but sometimes it feels like nothing works. I hate relying on meds mainly because I am allergic to so many of them.
So, let me off this roller coaster. Life should not be like this. Luckily, I have a pretty good support system so that helps and I am grateful for that. There, I am ending on a positive note.
Are you sick of riding the roller coaster? Comment below.