I want to Get off this Roller Coaster

rollercoaster-156027__340Usually, I am quite positive, but today I am being frank.  Having bipolar disorder sucks and there is no other way to say it.

The depressions are so debilitating that I don’t leave the house, don’t take showers for days, don’t even enjoy watching television among other things I normally enjoy.

I isolate myself and only answer the phone to three people.

I have lost track, if I ever knew, what “normal” is.

The depressions, as sad as it sounds, I can handle because at least then I am not doing things I will later regret when I have been manic.

The mania is the worst part of the disease in my opinion.  The racing thoughts, the not being able to sit still, the having energy to do things, but not wanting to do too much because you often regret the things later.

I guess I am having a pity party.  I am currently manic and none of the meds the doctors have prescribed have helped me at all lately. My sleep pattern is all off and I am driving my husband crazy.  When I am manic, I can be demanding and understandably that gets on his nerves. Don’t get me wrong, he is awesome and is new to dealing with bipolar disorder, but does a great job.  He just worries about me.  As time progresses though, he knows the right things to say and do to calm me down and have a reality check.

It has been said that I can work my way into a manic episode and I think sometimes the worry might contribute to it.

I know the right things to do when I am depressed, but don’t do them.  While manic, I try and do the right things, but sometimes it feels like nothing works.  I hate relying on meds mainly because I am allergic to so many of them.

So, let me off this roller coaster. Life should not be like this.  Luckily, I have a pretty good support system so that helps and I am grateful for that.  There, I am ending on a positive note.

Are you sick of riding the roller coaster? Comment below.

About Michelle Clark Bipolar Bandit

I am a strong advocate for the mentally ill and have been since I was first approached by a lawyer in a psychiatric facility as a teenager. He wanted me to help him fight how the mentally ill are mistreated. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder at the age of 17 after a full blown manic episode. Before that, I suffered from debilitating depression for 4 years. My goals are to help others by sharing my story and providing tips to deal with mania and depression. I often write blogs related to advocating for people like myself. I want to encourage, inspire, and educate those with #bipolar disorder and other mental illnesses and also include inspirational #quotes. I founded the group Advocates for People with Mental Illnesses and the page Mental Health Advocates United and have several social media sites that are related to bipolar disorder and/or advocacy. If you are an advocate or would like to be, I hope you join our FB group: Advocates for People with Mental Illnesses
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3 Responses to I want to Get off this Roller Coaster

  1. nmaliens says:

    Yes i’m sick, my bipolar disorder is mixed (type 3) so i’m depressed, but at the same time my thoughts are racing, but i’m too tired for doing something, sleep, what is sleep? And anxiety is constant and rage is common in a mixed episode. I get angry for nothing. Yeah, it sucks, a lot.

  2. Yes I am sick of the roller coaster. I too don’t know what normal feels like and it saddens me… Big hug to you

  3. Iggy says:

    I’ve been pretty level as of late. I have a handle on my mania. I’m super good at keeping myself in-check when having a manic episode. Depression, not so much. I just dip soooooooooooooooo low that it hurts and NOTHING I do can get me out of it. I just have to wait it out, knowing that it will eventually pass. But, like Tom Petty once said, ‘The waiting is the hardest part’.

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