Having bipolar disorder can feel like you are in a deep hole and can’t get out when you are depressed and suicide enters your mind. When you are manic, it can feel like you are on the top of the world and don’t want to leave it. However, sometimes, when you are manic and have been riding the roller coaster over and over, it is tempting to jump off the ledge too.
People think that mania is a great thing. What they don’t realize is that when you are manic you do things that you regret and can hurt people you love. You learn to not like the mania because of these reasons and because you know you will come crashing down and the higher you go, the lower you get afterwards.
Medicine is the answer for many and there are other treatments too. For me, I am starting to recognize that medications are not working any more and it is so frustrating. I seem to cycle into mania about every three months. I have tried pretty much every medication out there and am under care of a psychiatrist I like, but just can’t seem to get on a level that is stable.
It can feel hopeless and at this point I am writing this, I am entering another manic phase and yet am in tears because I just can’t handle this anymore.
Usually, when I write my blog, I try to be educational and upbeat and try to “teach” something and write with purpose so that others can learn from what I have to say.
While starting this, I was wondering how I would put a positive spin on it. I guess I am writing to let people know that reality of this disease. I hope that my openness helps someone. I started this with the title of “Don’t give up” because I wanted to make sure I ended up on a positive note.
So….Please don’t give up. The poem below is one my dad gave me when I was 13 during my first depression after my first and only attempt at suicide. I hope it helps someone. Right now, suicide is in the news and is happening at an alarming rate. Unfortunately, it was talked about a lot after the deaths of two famous people by suicide and now it has faded into the shadows again. I hope that if you were thinking of killing yourself today, that you will listen to this and get help. Suicide Hotline International Suicide Numbers