I have Bipolar Disorder: Am I a Failure?

failureIt is easy to think of yourself as a failure when you are extremely depressed. You get into a slump where you think you are nothing, but your illness. You live secluded from the rest of the world and dig yourself deeper into a hole where you feel worthless and unworthy of happiness. Because of these dark feelings, you are going to feel like a failure. You will feel like you have let your family and friends down and in reality you have let yourself down.

When you are manic, it is sometimes the opposite:  You feel like you are wonderful and can do no wrong. You are positive and think of yourself as successful even if in reality you are not. What are considered delusions of grandeur can make you feel like you are special and nothing can knock you down.

However, when it comes to my manic episodes, I fear them.  The repercussions are horrific and I almost would rather stay depressed rather than get manic and lose friends, spend money I don’t have, do crazy things I later regret, and basically end up in a spiral where even though things look wonderful, in reality they are only temporary.

When I get manic, I feel like a failure. The medicines very rarely work lately.  Therefore, I am left with the hopeless feeling that things are going to spiral out of control quickly and there is nothing I can do.  Before getting manic there are things I should be doing to take care of myself and because I don’t because I am so depressed, when I get manic those things are not set in place. For example, I should be exercising, eating right, taking time to relax, setting time each day to do something alone and enjoyable.  It is easy to not do those things while in the funk of depression. However, if they were already in my routine, it would be easier to keep them going when I enter a manic episode.  Chances are too that if I was doing them all along, they might even prevent me from getting manic in the first place.

Yes- I can feel like a failure when I am depressed or manic. However, all in all, I think people who battle bipolar disorder should not be viewed as failures. We are up against a lot and it is not an easy battle to endure day after day.  So, if you are thinking that you are a failure, you are far from it.  You are strong and can fight these battles.  You can do it. Think positive! Stay true to yourself and know that even when you go through these cycles, you are a person just like anyone else. You make mistakes and that is okay. Learn to accept yourself with all your faults. Take it one step at a time and learn from each episode.  Learn something that will help you through the next manic or depressed phase.

In answer to the question, “I have bipolar disorder, am I a failure?”  I would have to say…

You are NOT a failure. You might feel like you are a failure sometimes, but you are a strong person who has endured a lot and will continue to fight an awful disease and that makes you a winner in my book.

 

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About Michelle Clark Bipolar Bandit

I am a strong advocate for the mentally ill and have been since I was first approached by a lawyer in a psychiatric facility as a teenager. He wanted me to help him fight how the mentally ill are mistreated. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder at the age of 17 after a full blown manic episode. Before that, I suffered from debilitating depression for 4 years. My goals are to help others by sharing my story and providing tips to deal with mania and depression. I often write blogs related to advocating for people like myself. I want to encourage, inspire, and educate those with #bipolar disorder and other mental illnesses and also include inspirational #quotes. I founded the group Advocates for People with Mental Illnesses and the page Mental Health Advocates United and have several social media sites that are related to bipolar disorder and/or advocacy. If you are an advocate or would like to be, I hope you join our FB group: Advocates for People with Mental Illnesses
This entry was posted in bipolar disorder, mental health awareness, mental illness, Uncategorized and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to I have Bipolar Disorder: Am I a Failure?

  1. Kate says:

    Great post 🙂 I tend to be better at sticking to routines when I’m manic and energetic- that being said I also do a lot of risky stupid things, when I’m depressed I just stop caring about anything- especially my health.

    • I can relate to the importance of sticking to routines and being overly energetic. I definitely understand doing risky things and I am sure like you regret them. They oftentimes make the depression even worse. I hope you have a wonderful week and stay healthy. (What many people would call “normal” although I don’t really like the word.)

  2. Wendy Love says:

    Thank you! That is just what I needed to hear today. Your message was timely for me. So there, YOU are not a failure either, you helped someone today.

  3. Astrid says:

    I don’t have bipolar disorder (I have borderline personality disorder traits and depression), so I can’t relate to the manic side of things. I do some impulsive things when I’m elated (for me), but these states usually last for only a day. I can definitely relate to the depression side of the pendulum. Sometimes I do risky things then too though.

  4. Laura Antonio says:

    hello everyone, i am very happy to read all your nice inspirational comments out here, i have little to add, this is my personal true life testimony to share with you, I’m 33 years old, from London. I was diagnosed with bipolar when I was twelve, took medication through high school, and stopped taking it when I graduated from high school. I think I’ve been fine since then. (My parents claim I exhibit “bipolar rage” when I get into arguments, but I don’t agree; I think I’m just angry and my behavior is normal.) for the past year or so, I’ve been experiencing a lot of health symptoms, such as foggy head, aches and pains, etc. I’ve been to every doctor in the book, from ENTs to neurologists, to pulmonologist, to nutricianists, etc. you name it, I’ve been there. Nobody has been able to come up with an answer. Recently, things have gotten worse. For the past two months, I’ve been living with my mom in New Jersey because I feel that the air quality in the city makes my symptoms worse. I can’t, and haven’t worked. All I do is hang around her house all day, go to the gym and occasionally get together with friends. My dad thinks i should rather consult from a traditional herbal medicine he read online about Dr.Oduduwa has the cure to BP and other sickness, i have also read about Dr.Oduduwa from online blog posted comment about his gifted powers to cure BP, cancer and other blood diseases and return lost love back, so i contact with Dr.Oduduwa via his personal contact:
    (dr.oduduwaspellcaster@ gmail. com) few days after my contact with him, he told me to buy some ingredient herbs and roots to make a herbal concussion medicine and he send me a herbal medicine through shipping dhl company, i receive it and i applied it as instructed, four days i apply this medicine and i feeling much more better today i’m very happy, no more pains, i think i am good to start working next week, i just want to watch more for few days before i resume work. I used this medium to show my appreciation and to highly recommend Dr.Oduduwa to anyone going through similar health challenges today you have a healer to solve all your problem within 7 days are over. I wishing you all good luck and good health.

    • Thanks for sharing your story and I am glad you are trying everything to get better. IT sounds like you have had a rough time of it. I hope that you find answers and lead a “normal” life. If you would be interested in writing on my blog as a guest post or feature story i would love to have you and i know your story would help others, especially your positive spin on things
      ..i think the way you wrote this was wonderful. Email me if interested in subject line put bipolar bandit Mickey3333NC@gmail.com

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