Briefly Me by Scott Martin

Well here goes,  my first attempt at a blog!!

This is me , im Scott 32 , from Lincolnshire Uk , Married  , 2 kids , a chef .. And one other major thing in my life .. Bipolar Disorder…

What brings me writing this ??

  • Maybe im imspired by others
  • Maybe after being in a documentry, seeing positive feedback i want to share more of my so called bipolar life 
  • Or am i just turning manic ?

 Have i always had bipolar? Hmm dunno they says signs show from the ages of 18 -25 .. So if i said one of one of my earliest memories is that i flew down my stairs ,( i can actually visually see myself floating down the stairs now ) my wife laughs when i tell her it happened, perhaps she humours me , but i can tell you .. It happened!! .fullstopPychosis ? Well i dunno ..

Caused by trauma?? .. My childhood was good untill i was 9 , my older brother at 16 was hit by car that flung him into a bus that he was catching on a wet night after his shift had finished. This had amassive effect on my life , not only did i loose my brother , but also nothing has ever been the same since. My family had depression written all over them, i can remember thinking then it should of been me , at one point i thought i was him or was that down to me acting like him , thinking about him to much , or wearing his clothes to try  and be him .. I dunno im rambling but guess i had a trauma

I guess the real signs of bipolar disorder came when i met my beautiful wife , my highs and lows when i think about them now was there , we had 4 houses in just over 3 years , i ran up so much debt with taking out cards thinking i could get away with not paying them , nothing was ever right, i had many moments of being horrible to my wife , i just couldnt find a way to control my thoughts which led to the only way for me to release them was to be  nasty and irritable i guess. Problem then i would sink into depression , laying on the settee while the world , my children grew .., but my marriage was failing ..

I think i have this bipolar thing i said .. It must of been 3am in the morning when i woke my wife , this was back in 2009, the whole stacy slater bipolar eastenders storyline had been on, i sat going through the symptons and guess there and then diagnosed myself.

4 years passed.. I didnt do anything about my new discovery of bipolar disorder , infact i was in denial , in them years we once again moved , i had bought cars in middle of the night , i started to believe i could draw the dead, like a spirtual artist , i was still having highs and lows but more extreame. I did try medication , anti depressants from my gp but no referal , i was a mess.

Jan 2013 .. A breakthrough came after my ever supportive wife came with me to my GP , i got referred , with  cyclothymia being mentioned as a reason for moods
I didnt really recongise myself i was 17 stone plus , unhappy but new that this referal was key , 2 trips over a period of 3 months to the people of ill brains , mood charts and conversations  , i was given the diagnosis of Bipolar 2 Disorder with further assements.

 

May 2015 .. So my diagnosis had been well over a year well 2 , in Jan that year  , i thought i was well , i had tried medication, they made me gain weight , made me feel numb , i decided to stop taking medication, self help and manage bipolar myself , even discharging myself from psychiatric care , 5 months later a new women came into my life

Annie Lennox .. I was stupid not to reconise a manic episode, but to me i was well / ish .. When i go high i control rapid thoughts via music , for some reason i fount my love for annie, she was there to block my thoughts and for the first time i had not knowing developed pychosis type symptons , the more i listened continuously to her songs i new i had been chosen, the lyrics , the videos , the way she looked at the camaras in the videos was for me it all came in place for I was not scott , well i was but not in 2015 , i was meant to be in the 80’s living my life , if i went in shops her music would be on , it was just her sign to show she was with me , at work on the radio again with me, after a good few weeks i decided to tell my wife about my discovery

Back to the mental health unit , my wife new i had became unwell , my boss got told and i was signed off work, thinking back now i was a danger to myself , and should of perhaps been sectioned or at least gone in voluntary  , thankfully  like a jigsaw my wife pieced me back together , but also said to me you need medication or find away for it to not happen again , she was frightend i was still high , but it hit home

The time off work  i managed to get myself down a few levels , i had a new appoinment back in place to discuss medications , i also fount myself being given the chance to take part of a follow up stephen fry life of a manic depressive documentry , i owned the first one , it helped me and my wife so much and being part of the new one was very important to me , if my story gave comfort or awareness to one person it would make me feel happy

The filming soon  came around and at the time i had chosen lithium as my choose of medication to control me. Still with the diagnosis of Bipolar 2 , after blood tests i began my lithuum , starting on 400mg i started to feel a lot better , my mind felt clear , no zombie feelings , a month later i had it increased to 800mg as the levels were not quite high enough to work as it should. The 2nd part of filming had finished , being more well i new i had done the right thing in trying to end the stigma of bipolar, the producers , filmcrew was such nice people.

Present Day .. Im now on 1200mg of lithium daily , the documentry has been aired and the supportive feedback blew me away being on tv was very surreal  , at this moment i feel really high and have been told to stay off work for 3 days to try and get rest in , i still believe in lithium , but one thing i am now passionate about making mental health more aware , deciding to write daily mood blog i feel will help me and hopfully give others comfort too.

 

Check out his BLOG and Twitter page

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About Michelle Clark Bipolar Bandit

I am a strong advocate for the mentally ill and have been since I was first approached by a lawyer in a psychiatric facility as a teenager. He wanted me to help him fight how the mentally ill are mistreated. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder at the age of 17 after a full blown manic episode. Before that, I suffered from debilitating depression for 4 years. My goals are to help others by sharing my story and providing tips to deal with mania and depression. I often write blogs related to advocating for people like myself. I want to encourage, inspire, and educate those with #bipolar disorder and other mental illnesses and also include inspirational #quotes. I founded the group Advocates for People with Mental Illnesses and the page Mental Health Advocates United and have several social media sites that are related to bipolar disorder and/or advocacy. If you are an advocate or would like to be, I hope you join our FB group: Advocates for People with Mental Illnesses
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3 Responses to Briefly Me by Scott Martin

  1. sashakildare says:

    Thank you for being so open. My personal experience, decades worth, has been that it takes a lot more than medication to stay in remission. I cannot stay out of mild depression without regular exercise (30 intense min almost every day), regular sleep, steady blood sugar, creative outlet, etc. Resting is hard, for me when I am getting irritable it is time to decrease stimulation, low lights at night, less activity outside of the house, less electronics. Organizing and housework helps me calm down a lot. (Lithium has the best track record as a medication from all the research I have seen BTW!)

  2. Bradley says:

    Great first post. Heading over to “Follow” now

  3. Kelly says:

    Honest and open, brilliant first post

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