Guest Post: Fear to Love by Belinda

belinda

From as far back as I can remember the terms anorexic, depressed, anxious, and addicted were terms I carried like a noose around my neck – stifling me, preventing me from living a ‘normal’ happy life and leaving a trail of painful memories.

I was diagnosed with anorexia at twelve years old. By fourteen I was diagnosed with clinical depression and had also started drinking. By seventeen my doctor told me I was going to die if I carried on drinking the way I was. I managed to keep the drinking somewhat under control until I was twenty three, coupled with Aropax, but the depression was too much to bear and two months after my twenty third birthday I tried to end my life.

I failed – and spent the next thirteen years trying to overcome underlying depression coupled with anxiety. I worked with counsellors, psychiatrists and therapists. I read every self help book I could find, and I managed to reach a space where I could live ‘normally’ but I still lived in an inner world of pain and unhappiness. I refused to go back onto medication, and I took herbal supplements which helped. These were Kava Kava and St Johns Wort. I also used Bach Flower Remedies which were very helpful.

Then in 2014 I immigrated to the UK. The big move, coupled with other unforeseen events saw me plummet back into a world of panic attacks, deep depression and an endless sense of hopelessness.

I knew something had to change, and so what I did was I put pen to paper and I wrote my story. It was the most incredible journey I have ever been on. As I wrote I was literally taken back to early childhood in my mind and I saw clearly the core beliefs I had set in childhood and how they had mapped the path I walked from there.

When I got towards the last part of the book I started working with a coach who introduced me to something called the 3 Principles – a paradigm that points to the true nature of how our reality is created by our thinking. The more I learnt and studied these principles, which are mind, consciousness and thought, the more I started to see my life and the labels I had in a completely different way. I began to heal. Not just in a superficial way, but on a deep level. I also began to see that although I had suffered severe depression and other mental disorders there was always a part of me that was not broken. That realisation was life changing for me.

For nearly thirty years I had believed I was not normal, that I was broken, that I was ‘ill’ mentally and that it was something I had to live with forever.

The 3 principles showed me a new way of seeing myself, my illness, and my external world.

I still get depressed, I still get anxious, but now I can see where the feelings are coming from and I don’t get so caught up in them.

I see my mind, my thinking and my feelings like the weather. Sometimes the sky is clear and I have happy thoughts. But sometimes there is a frightening storm and my inner world is very dark. But I remember that it is only a storm, and that it will pass, and soon enough the dark thoughts leave and I feel happy again. Its only if I see the thoughts as ‘me’ that I get stuck.

I finished my book, and I published my story to give hope to others. If you would like to read it, or get the first few chapters, please Belinda’s Book:  Fear to Love  and go to the bottom of the page.

Sending you so much love on your journey,

Belinda

You can also find her on Twitter  and Facebook 

fear to love

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About Michelle Clark Bipolar Bandit

I am a strong advocate for the mentally ill and have been since I was first approached by a lawyer in a psychiatric facility as a teenager. He wanted me to help him fight how the mentally ill are mistreated. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder at the age of 17 after a full blown manic episode. Before that, I suffered from debilitating depression for 4 years. My goals are to help others by sharing my story and providing tips to deal with mania and depression. I often write blogs related to advocating for people like myself. I want to encourage, inspire, and educate those with #bipolar disorder and other mental illnesses and also include inspirational #quotes. I founded the group Advocates for People with Mental Illnesses and the page Mental Health Advocates United and have several social media sites that are related to bipolar disorder and/or advocacy. If you are an advocate or would like to be, I hope you join our FB group: Advocates for People with Mental Illnesses
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3 Responses to Guest Post: Fear to Love by Belinda

  1. Incredibly helpful! What a wonderful contribution your life is! Sometimes our past is our greatest asset…:) thank you so much! ~

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