I have been depressed for the past week. In fact, I had not left the house in a whole week. It is now 6 am and I have not been able to sleep. If you know anything about bipolar disorder, you know that a lack of sleep can lead to mania.
My ex-husband told me one time that he thought I worried myself into manic episodes. There is a lot of truth in that. Because I panic when I am not sleeping and think I am going to get manic, I get stressed about that. The more stressed I get, the less I sleep I get. This stress and lack of sleep will oftentimes lead to mania.
I would get nervous about not sleeping and having to go to work the next day. My mom pointed out one time that everyone has nights that they can’t sleep. Even though she knows that not sleeping can lead to mania, she tried to assure me that I would be fine. (She did know that I still could get manic. She was just trying to point out that it could be nothing, also.)
I had a psychiatrist one time tell me that if I can’t sleep after a half hour to get up and do something for awhile and then try again. If I can’t sleep, then just stay up until I crash. She told me to do this even if it meant I stayed awake more than 24 hours.
I have taken that advice a few times since. There is no reason I should just keep lying in bed with my mind racing when you can get up and accomplish something. This is where worrying can come in. If I were to sit here thinking right now that a manic episode is on the horizon, it could be a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Yes, I need to take every precaution that I have in my action plan. If I don’t sleep sometime today or the next night, I need to make an appointment with my doctor.
I know that right now I am in trouble because my medication need to be adjusted. To be frank, I am sick of this roller coaster since my medications have been changed. I had to switch medication because my insurance no longer covered the medication I was on. Don’t get me wrong, I was still cycling when I was on the medication that my insurance no longer covers. Therefore, I was hopeful that trying something new might be the answer. I have not given up as I have not been on them very long.
I know I will be ok and will stay out of the hospital. I know that I can do things that will keep me out of there. I need to lay low, eat right, not going anywhere or spend any money. I need to let the people in my support system know that I am in danger right now.
I have confidence that everything will be ok. I am not worried because I know that I will be ok. I have a great doctor, a wonderful supportive fiancee and a loving family. We have gotten through so many things together in the past.
I am so sick of this. I am sure they are too.
I usually am not so open about my current struggles. I was not intending on sharing my current situation when I decided to write this blog.
Can Worrying Lead to Mania? The answer to my question is yes. I do think worrying can lead to mania.
If you are reading this and think you are getting manic and worrying about it, I would suggest that you take a second look at your situation. Worrying and stress definitely can lead to mania. Try and remove the stress. Even if you have to take work off for a few days, do it. It is better to stop the mania in its tracks before you end up getting full-blown manic and end up in the hospital missing a lot more of work.
There are a lot of cliches about how worrying is a waste of time. However, it is easy to get trapped into the web of worrying.
My suggestion is to realize that you are going to be okay. I am going to just keep saying that to myself.
The good news is that by writing this blog entry, I have gotten tired enough to go to sleep.
Good night! Zzzzz