As Valentine’s Day approaches, I have to wonder if my life would have been different if I had not had not had bipolar disorder.
Would certain relationships have worked out? Would I have made the mistakes I did in some relationships that I did? Would I have hurt those guys who really cared about me? Would I have gotten sexually involved with the guy so soon?
My first love was someone I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. My family adored him and I loved him more than anything. However, when he told met hat he could never get married to me because I had bipolar disorder, that was the end of that relationship. It was hard on both of us, but had to be done.
I have hurt some guys because in my manic episodes have basically said things I should not have.
I have scared others because of my odd behavior.
I was engaged to a guy who has bipolar disorder too. You would think that that would be a good combination. We understood each other and that was great. We were the best of friends and still are. However, we just could not make it work because we were so similar. He did give me a different side of the illness. I visited him in the hospital and had to see him manic and depressed and feel hopeless.
Another guy literally hid from me in a closet because he was scared of my odd behavior related to manic episode.
I was married to yet another man. He was not a very strong person and was not able to put up with my mood swings. He suffered from extreme depression. He was worried about the money I spent when manic and the cost of medical bills when I was hospitalized even though I had insurance. It was during my last manic episode that was really bad that he decided he could not do it anymore and wanted a divorce. I can’t blame him.
The next guy I got involved with took advantage of me. He made me think that he loved me. He had sex with me, but didn’t want others to even know that we were dating. He lied to our mutual friends and his family. I was manic for part of our relationship and we tooka trip to Florida together. He did not have any money so I bought everything. What a nice vacation for someone who did not even have a job. I remember coming home from that trip, falling into a deep depression, and realizing how much money I had spent. He was stil wanting more money and was upset when I would not give it to him. All I have to say about that relationship,is that I would not have gotten involved with him if I had not been manic.
I am blessed as this Valentine’s Day approaches. I have been dating a wonderful man for about 3 1/2 years. He tries to understand me, encourages me, loves me for who I am and puts up with my mood swings. We recently even got engaged! I just hope that I can stay stable or at least not do anything that scares him off.. I do believe he is my rock and will be there for me until the end. I love him so much and he loves me too.
Update: We were married in May. I am so blessed to have a man who stands by me even though my illness has made it hard.