I have known something was wrong with me from the age of 5. I cried myself to sleep most nights. I had highs but more lows. I became a Christian and a lot of things changed in my life. I stopped partying and being wild. I gave my life to Christ and was baptized 20 years ago.
I have struggled in my walk more than those without bipolar. Bipolar disorder causes you to not be able to stay focused so reading the word of God and prayer is really hard sometimes. I believe that God takes into consideration our mental illness. Not that it is an excuse for not reading his word and praying. I am really starting to finally learn about my bipolar disorder.
I was diagnosed 20yrs ago but chose to ignore it. I don’t know, but maybe I thought it would go away. I went into a 3 yr depression after all my kids moved away. I decided to either die or get help. During that depression I fell away from God. I had nothing to do with him. I know he was still with me. I was unable to function and again I think he takes these things into consideration.
I started praying again. I truly believe it was God who convinced me to get help. I went to our mental health center and started counseling and got on new meds. I believe God, meds, counseling and my willingness to make changes helped me. They all worked together. I was able to address past hurts. There is an old cliché that says “I have baggage.” Well, my new saying is I unpacked my bags and put it all away! I decided to become proactive. I wanted to learn everything I can about bipolar II.
I have learned so very much in the last 8 months. I found out a lot of things that I do or feel is from the bipolar disorder. I know some people say we shouldn’t blame everything on our mental illness and I agree. I have come fully back to God. I am reading His word and have been in prayer. I attend church on a regular basis. My walk now is relaxed and deep. I enjoy God and am not anxious about what he wants from me. He blesses me every day. I hold a ladies bible study once a week. I have always wondered where my ministry was. I have found it.
I have started a bipolar online support group. I post Christian videos and inspirational sayings. Scriptures are also posted. I talk openly to others about Jesus. I brought a young lady to Christ. It was God’s first conversion thru me. I have been so blessed by this. I am now talking to another lady about Christ. I have definately found my ministry. I am growing in my walk. Christianity is not a onetime thing it is a journey as our life with bipolar is a journey. Being a Christian helps me with the bipolar. I am calm and at peace. I have the joy of the Lord ALL the time as the Bible tells us we should be.
Yes I still have mania and depression. I am medicated and I am working on a work book to learn to control my thoughts so then I can control my emotions. I hope this blog helps u in some way to see you as beautiful. That’s the way God see’s you. Whatever you do, don’t get discouraged in your walk with God. Don’t think of bipolar disorder as a curse. Instead, embrace it as a blessing.
The valleys are where we grow. Without them we are nothing. Bipolar is a valley and we will come to the mountain top. God is good all the time. You can use this as a ministry as I am. God doesn’t want us to sit around feeling sorry for ourselves. He wants us to use what we have to serve Him. Please don’t allow people in the Church tell you that bipolar is a spiritual issue. It is not a demon. There is scientific proof that it is a chemical imbalance in our brain. Don’t ever be ashamed of who you are or that you have bipolar disorder. You are here for a purpose. Dig deep and find out what your ministry is.
In Christ, Kalie Dalbey
Check out the link below for Bipolar Angel on facebook https://www.facebook.com/groups/bipolarangel/