After realizing that I had to accept that I was one of those “crazy” people, I had to start dealing with it. Of course, during these times of depression, I would have bouts where I was totally fine and was able to catch up on work quickly. (This was later identified as mini manic episodes.)
My depression was not understood by many people including several family members. My sisters were young at the time and they just knew that their sister was getting a lot of attention. This is one thing that I feel badly about even today.
I remember my uncle who was a cop going for a walk with me. My mom and dad had suggested that because in his line of work as someone who dealt with battered wives and abused children, that he could find out what was wrong and gather some insight. I do remember the walk. However, I don’t think we really talked. As previously stated, I didn’t have anything to talk about as nothing was wrong. I remember my grandma saying “Just snap out of it. You have no reason to be depressed.”
I remember not wanting to eat during these times. I had no appetite and felt like I was fat so took advantage of this. One time, I remember my mom forcing me to eat a cheese sandwich. I know she was watching out for me. However, this sticks out in my mind because I remember forgetting to eat it. She had to keep reminding me. It was not because I didn’t want it, but because I could not concentrate. I kept forgetting what the task at hand was.
Because my parents were very concerned about my depression, they brought me to two different doctors. The first kind one my mom had found out about via a friend. This doctor was an environmental allergist. (Back then, these kinds of doctors were considered whacks.)The allergist would talk about how it was my food and things in the environment causing my depression.
The doctor ran tests to find out I was allergic to many things and therefore I started getting shots. In addition, I was supposed to eat a very strict diet and we were supposed to remove things from my environment that would be causing me to get sick.
My mom was very diligent about helping me with this. However, I just didn’t see direct results from it. Because I was a teenager, I did not want to listen to my mom or that doctor. I would get allergy shots and often would stick to the diet. However, for it to all work, I really needed to stick to it all the time. Also, it was embarrassing to bring some of the foods to school. ( I had to stick to the diet while depressed and when I was ok.)
If I had to do it all over again, I would have stuck with this doctor and probably would not have had the problems that I have today. Note: I could still do it, but for whatever reason, just don’t. I did try taking out wheat from my diet and I think it helped with my depression somewhat. However, after about eight months, I just didn’t think it was worth it.
The other doctor I saw was a psychiatrist. While in his office I would just stare at the plants behind him and not say anything. We just sat there in silence. There was nothing to talk about. I was depressed or had been depressed, but in both cases there was not a reason. Thus, there was nothing to talk about. He did, however, get me into a group with other teenagers that he had started running.
From that group, I realized I was not alone. The others mostly had reasons why they were depressed and things to talk about, but I don’t remember sharing very much. I did, however, meet someone who I ended up having a great friendship with. His name was Brian and becomes a major player in my next blog entry.
For my full story: