My Story with Bipolar Disorder Divided Part 1: Dealing with Depression for the First Time

ImageMy Story with Bipolar Disorder Divided Part One: Dealing with depression for the First time.

I have written a brief story about my battle with my mental illness, but have decided to elaborate on it and break it down to focus on small parts of my life at a time.

I hope that by writing these particular blogs I can help at least someone else by letting them know they are not alone.

I am going to start with when I first showing signs of my mental illness.

I had a happy childhood. My family took several vacations, played games together, and were very close. I don’t remember the day I first felt depressed. I do know it was when I was thirteen.

However, I do know that at some point that I started crying for no reason, couldn’t concentrate on anything and just felt like everything in my world was awful. I remember going to school and crying through class. I knew the other kids were noticing and gathered they laughed about me after class. I was a very good student. However, due to my lack of concentration, I could not focus on what the teacher had to say. While doing my homework, I would read the same sentence over and over again and could not comprehend it.

Thank goodness my mom tried to understand what I was going through. She is kind, compassionate person and would listen to me as I sobbed constantly. There was no reason why I crying.

I would not sleep well at night and then dread going to school again. I isolated myself and felt like I had no friends. Maybe at those times of depression, I didn’t have any friends. I remember going to the guidance department and eating my lunch in there as I wasn’t sure if anyone would allow me to sit at their table. (When I came out of my depression, I would then have people to sit with.)

Eventually, my parents realized that sending me to school didn’t make sense. My mom went to the school and talk to my teachers. I was then allowed to miss school. My mom would go get my work and I would attempt to do it. It would take me ten times as long that it would if I was not depressed if not longer.

Since I was not going to school, my mom would give me chores to do at home. However, even vacuuming up the stairs I could not do because I just couldn’t concentrate and just kept crying uncontrollably.

I would not enjoy things I normally would. I wouldn’t want to watch tv with my family because it meant that it was close to bedtime. That meant often that I would have a difficult night sleeping through the night.  Often times, one of my parents would sleep with  me like they did when I was a kid. It was also another day wasted.

My mom told me that the teachers really did not understand. They were what I would call clueless to what depression was and is. I was embarrassed as I was now known as a student with depression.

Since I was not going to school, my mom would give me chores to do at home. However, even vacuuming up the stairs I could not do because I just couldn’t concentrate and just kept crying uncontrollably.

Up until I started getting depressed, I felt like people who suffer from depression are weak, crazy individuals who could just snap out of it. I now was one of those people.

For my full story:

http://wp.me/p2Ge94-1ig

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About Michelle Clark Bipolar Bandit

I am a strong advocate for the mentally ill and have been since I was first approached by a lawyer in a psychiatric facility as a teenager. He wanted me to help him fight how the mentally ill are mistreated. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder at the age of 17 after a full blown manic episode. Before that, I suffered from debilitating depression for 4 years. My goals are to help others by sharing my story and providing tips to deal with mania and depression. I often write blogs related to advocating for people like myself. I want to encourage, inspire, and educate those with #bipolar disorder and other mental illnesses and also include inspirational #quotes. I founded the group Advocates for People with Mental Illnesses and the page Mental Health Advocates United and have several social media sites that are related to bipolar disorder and/or advocacy. If you are an advocate or would like to be, I hope you join our FB group: Advocates for People with Mental Illnesses
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2 Responses to My Story with Bipolar Disorder Divided Part 1: Dealing with Depression for the First Time

  1. Thank you for your honesty and courage. You are an inspiration.

  2. Pingback: Bipolar Bandit’s Story Undivided | Bipolar Bandit

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